Sorting through my things tonight I came across an old shoebox, I remembered the box but couldn't remember what I kept inside it. Curious, I opened it up and found inside old letters tied in a pile together with a red ribbon, used train and concert tickets, and other little trinket things. It was a box of things I had kept from past relationships, stuff I didn't really want to throw away, a box of old love if you wish. I stopped my packing, went and made myself a cup of tea, sat down in front of the fire and started to read through the letters. Old memories came flooding back to me, the people, the places, the way I felt when I was with those people in those places. It wasn't a bad feeling, I don't feel sad at all, quite the opposite actually.

One of the things I have always admired about myself is how I can walk away from a relationship with no hard feelings, no anger, no bitterness, no hate. I'm still friends with most of my old boyfriends, and that's because they weren't really bad relationships. I put a 100% in to a relationship when I love someone, yes I have a few flaws, but I'm actually a great girlfriend. I see the bitterness in so many people after a relationship has come to an end and I never understand. To feel that way towards a person you once loved, once kissed, once slept with, once had sex with, is all so odd to me. Obviously, when a relationship is over I feel sad, it's inevitable really, but, this time I feel different, there's no sadness, no tears, no eating ice cream and listening to Billy Joel. I'm okay, I feel fine.

I feel like I'm slowly learning to guard myself, my emotions usually get the best of me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and usually it gets torn apart, or maybe I just know deep down that this is for the best, for both of of us. In a few years time I might be here again, looking through this shoebox, being reminded of him and the memories we have together. I've added him to the box now and packed it away. This all reminds me of how sentimental I really am. I'm a hopeless romantic, that will never change.

I've been told that I can sometimes be mushy, corny and cliche, I don't mind this, I quite like cliches, cliches are usually true. I'm always going to be this way. I believe in love. I want that romantic, corny, cliched love. I put my all into my relationships, I give a lot. I think my problem in the past has been my eagerness to serve them my heart on a big ol platter. I'm starting to rebuild those walls back around my heart, they will take a lot of knocking to get through next time. I thank you for handing me the bricks. I don't regret this decision.

What I need to do now is just have some me time. I was so busy trying to live up to someone elses expectations that I forgot who I was, I need ME back.