It’s hilarious when men respond to a woman who says “I’m not interested in you, go away” by saying “I wouldn’t fuck you anyway!” Firstly, it’s almost always a blatant lie, but that’s not the funny bit. It’s funny because the men saying this actually think they’re being offensive. They really do.


Listen, you beer-swigging, tracksuit-wearing moron. I, for one, want nothing more than for you to be attracted to someone else. I revel in the thought that you’re masturbating to some horrifying scenario in which I don’t play the slightest part. I treasure the idea that I’ll be free from your pesky attempts to worm your way into my heart-patterned undies. You’re annoying and completely unaware, apparently, of just how annoying.