Men masturbate weird. Seriously. I don't know why they describe to me how they like to relieve themselves, but I'm always surprised by their techniques. One guy told me that he likes to do it with a sock on his penis (I told you men do that!) One explained to me how he humps a pillow, another likes to use toothpaste, another wears a rubber glove (even posher wank?) and my favourite is most definitely the guy who ties his bits to a door and then opens and closes it.