Joe (Leaving New York)

I woke up yesterday morning with a stuffy head and an eerie feeling. I sat down at the computer desk with a cup of tea, something just didn't feel right. I booted the computer up and logged in to the many social networking sites I use and went to check messages from friends. Something was wrong, something had happened to my friend Joe, that's all I could tell from other friends posts and messages, none of them really made sense. I spent the next few hours in a panic and trying to find out what was going on, there was a rumor going around that he had died. I was hopeful and told myself it was just a misunderstand. An hour later it was confirmed and I was sent a link to a newspaper article.

The Florida Highway Patrol has revealed the name of a man who died in a crash Tuesday night.
Joseph Leo, 31, of Oviedo, was trying to walk across State Road 50 near Rouse Lake Road from south to north about 9:50 p.m. when he walked in front of a vehicle.
The 2002 Pontiac, driven... by Michael Pucci, 23, of Dunnellon, was unable to stop and struck Leo.
Leo was pronounced dead at Florida Hospital East. Pucci had minor injuries.

My heart sank, it kind of felt like I had been hit by a car myself. It was a different Joseph Leo I told myself, I knew deep down that it wasn't. How could this happen? Why did this happen? I still can't understand how one minute he was here the next he was, just ... gone. The rest of the day was filled with shock, heartache, anger, pain and disbelief. I'd lost someone who is...was a big part of my life.

Missing Joe kicked in straight away. I thought of all the little things I would miss about him, like how he called me a strumpet and moopsie face, how we nicknamed each other Muffins and Mittens, our deep conversations about love and life and writing and our silly conversations about the robot dance and M.C. Hammer pants, our love of tea and crumpets and cheese. I'll miss ranting about our insomnia and creative block. I'll miss comparing the little differences between America and England, like Waldo and Wally. I'll miss our hugs from across the ocean and moaning to him about boys. There's so many things about Joe that I will miss, the list is endless.

I don't think I'll be able to listen to another Barenaked Ladies song, or that song by Suede, or watch the Simpsons without thinking about Joe, and that's fine, I want to be reminded of him, always. I just hope that one day I can smile when I think of him and not fill with tears and feel like my heart is being stamped on by a fat guy wearing steel toe cap boots.

I was actually mad at him for a little while, mad at him for walking out in front of that fucking car. Then I realized, I'm not mad at him, I'm mad at the world, the world he left behind, mad at whoever took him away. And, who do I talk to when I'm mad or upset or just feeling a bit meh? Joe! He always made me feel better, and now he's gone and he can't make this better. I know what he would say 'time will heal' and he's right, of course, he was always right, even when I was adamant that he wasn't. There will always be a void in me, that place where he was. Joe really was such an amazing person.

The most valid and important things I learnt from Joe is that there truly is good people in this world, people who love you for who you are, people that don't have an ulterior motive, people with great minds and huge hearts to match. I'm so thankful for that. Joe helped me open up and realize that I shouldn't shut people out and it won't always hurt to let people know how I feel. He was the first friend I said 'I love you' to and the first one I believed when he said it back.

He helped me through so many tough times. He inspired me and motivated me and helped me be creative, he was like my muse really. He was such a great writer, we were always bugging each other to write more stuff. I looked back through all my emails from Joe, right back to 2007, it took me a whole night. I found poems he had wrote for me and read through some of our conversations. I realized that Joe was the only person I really talked to, the only person I shared secrets and deep feelings with. I read our conversation about time machines, Joe believed that some time in the future someone would successfully build a time machine and charge a million dollars to use it, I told him he was silly. I really hope he is right and If sometime in the future they actually do build that time machine like he said, I'll be paying a million dollars to use it and go back and drag his ass away from that car.

Joe was, is, loved by so many people. This world has truly lost a great soul.

If I've learnt anything from this tragic event it's that people are special and life is precious. We sit around and moan about our boring nine to five jobs and not having enough cash to buy the latest gadget when we should be grateful for what we do have. We should cherish the people that are still with us, learn to love life, learn to love people, tell people how you feel about them, make damn sure that they know you care, because tomorrow they could get hit by a car and be removed from your life forever.

I still can't believe you're gone. Life will continue, but I tell you this now, buddy, you won't be forgotten. I will take what I have learnt from you and you will always have a place in my heart. I'll always love you.

Rest in peace Joseph Carmine Leo, you will be truly missed.